If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
