And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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