woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
