so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
