I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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