Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
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