Well apparently he's into motor boating.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize