At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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