I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I have feelings that need drinking.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
COCAINE IS GR8
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
