K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize