i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
