I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
