I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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