I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize