I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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