You smell like a Billy Joel song
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
