You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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