I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
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