Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
