I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
