If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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