this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
