Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
