Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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