Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
