She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
