Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
