HIV tests are more positive than that guy
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
