I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
