Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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