My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Found your dick twin last night
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
