booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
