eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I am mentally ready for anal.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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