I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Randomize
