I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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