Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize