My sheets look like a crime scene.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
he was CRYING into my vagina
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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