even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
