I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
