You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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