Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
