Me too!
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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