I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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