Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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