Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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