What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
