He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
please come you make the beer taste better
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Randomize
