They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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