He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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