someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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