My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
