they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
