i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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