Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
