I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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