Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
