Hey man sorry I got all grabby
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize