Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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