what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
