WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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