He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
