apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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