For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
