how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
