For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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