I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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