Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
