1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Your penis caused this!
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