Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
