She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
