I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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