whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
