im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
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