I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
