We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
