i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
