somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
