don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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